was passiert?

"oh why dear god. thanks for asking."
where to start.
the last week has been a bit less tame than my last posts would have not so eloquently explained. it's not that watching drunken turkish men on the u bahn right next to you at 4.30 am, watching grown men making love on the sidewalk (one of them was homeless), seeing a congregation of prostitutes hang out right next to the most ritzy politicains cafe in berlin, watching more prostitutes smoke crack on the street corner in frankfurt, putting up with an even higher concentration of american pop music or getting tickets for things that i did not know about have marred my opinion of this place, but it has definetly opened my eyes. i still love this place, the people are top notch and i have met some very interesting and diverse people from around europe and the world alike. one thing that i have always been fearful of is a lack of stability and the fear of not knowing what will happen next. well here i am, in frankfurt, i just got dropped off by some french guys i met in the hostel i was staying at in berlin. the drive was cramped but enjoyable. going down the autobahn at 200+ km/h is a slightly unnerving experience but enjoyable the the inner speed demon none the less. anyways, when i got dropped off i was supposed to meet up with a friend i had met in berlin and stay at her place here in frankfurt for a few nights. that fell through as she had a last minute family responisbility to tend to. oh well. so i went on the search for a hostel. the interesting thing about the economic capital of germany is that although it is a city of only 700 hundred thousand it feels as if it is vastly more expansive than denver. another curious finding is that this place is home a vast strip mall, or shall i say section of the city, that houses an expanse
of strip clubs and porn video stores that rival the netflix catatlogue in the extent of their 'diverse' selection. this place is truly incredible, not in a sense that would keep me coming back for more but in the way that it is incredible to see how ruled people are by fulfilling sexual fantasy. in this way a german is no different from an american. as i walked around the corner, away from this human tragedy, i bumped into a woman. it took me a second to realize that she was the type that was 'for sale'. more interesting still were the circumstances which undoubtedly led her to this profession. after this realization there was a moment of reconciliation followed quickly by pity and quickly after that an interest in what circumstances a person must go through to end up with a 'job' like this. that was all before i looked down to one of the others that was with her. that 'other' was lighting up a fresh rock of crack in something that looked like it had been fahioned from all manners of things not originally intended for such use. undoubtedly the chemicals in this malfashioned pipe were enough to fuck one out of his/ her gord and lose a few brain cells while they were at it. it was sad really but i feel as if the city has already hardened me a bit and forced me into a different form of seclusion than i have previously experimented with. so my pity for her was one of a flighty nature and i thought nothing of it. 10 meters down the road from this debacle i saw another hostel, the one i now sit in consuming a conservative amount of sub par italian attempts at pilsner, i asked the concierge if there were any rooms available but as expected there were none. so here i sit. until morning when i can call benny to come and get me or at least give me directions to his place. in the mean time i am having a moral quandry. whether to cry or laugh. a drunk american girl across the room is speaking far above a volume that would be considered necessary in such a small and inhospitible room as this. she is speaking to some man of whatever nationality about american politics. she has been mentioning 'islamics' all night and how all americans think that 'islamics' are terrorists. i think that personally her lack of genetic diversity is the real terrorism here as it seems to be spawning and simultaneously spewing the most vile and unrationalized viewpoints i have witnessed since, well sadly enough, a week and a half ago in america. time for another beer. moment bitte. alright. i spoke earlier of a discomfort or dare i say fear i have of uncertainty. i do think that on some levels this trip has been good for me in that respect. i intentionally planned (ironically i planned nothing) to go with the flow. this was a struggle between the always quarreling 2 halves of my brain. one side says be careful play it safe and you will be ok. the other half says well, if you want to learn anything about yourself or the world around you then you must first put yourself in a position of discomfort in order to induce growth. i still feel uneasy, but also i feel more free than i can recollect ever having been in the entirety of my life. i think in this point in my life this is a more important thing for me to seek out. if i planned everything, going on guided tours, seeing all the 'great' things of these cities, i think that i would be missing an integral part of these places. for instance i found the best record shop of my life, ever, i mean it, down a dark alley way. it was filled with all minimalistic music. seeing a wall of subs there that would rival the valve sound system didn't hurt either. in these cities especially you must overcome your fears and go into places that do not look hospitible to find the best spots. the city is filled with them, and interesting people aswell. i believe that the anomaly of these people are nothing that one cannot find in a city at home but i do find something so much more alluring about finding these things in places where i feel more uprooted. in many ways it has created this subconcious sense of desperation for close connection. but this was needed aswell. enough of my senseless banter i think that you all may be more interested in the pictures anyways.












shooting this picture was the only time i have ever felt like i was going to get mugged in berlin.










i only have records 4 & 8 to go before i have the entire afx analord series. i even have the really rare picture disc that is #10 that you can see in the upper right of the photo. not to mention i also have almost if not 1/4 of the entire sahko collection. an incredible finnish record company that should have gotten more respect than it did while it was around.
tschus.